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There doesn’t seem to be a day that goes by that you don’t hear about someone getting a divorce. It just seems to be a fact of life that we’ve all learned to accept. We all have someone in our lives that divorce has touched.

The high toll of divorce, financially or emotionally, can be devastating to the people involved. This subject has touched me personally with a sibling. I can vividly remember the day my sister called me to tell me that she caught her husband bringing another woman to their home. It was really like someone else’s life to her. She had known her husband since they were children. Now, after 17 years of marriage, she felt that divorce was her only answer.

In the months that followed, my sister had many visits to her lawyer and several court appearances. This took its toll. My sister began to lose weight, cried often, became dependent upon others, lost self esteem and basically began to fall apart.

She had no savings so had to rely on so she turned to our parents for assistance, help they could ill afford to give. They helped her with legal expenses and also with money for her basic living necessities. She asked me to help with the details of the divorce settlement, something I felt was a no-win situation for me, I could see that no matter what the outcome I would be blamed for any shortcomings.

As all of this was progressing, an interesting thing began to happen. My sister started talking to her husband on the phone every day. I noticed that she began to eat again and she didn’t bite my head off every time I said something to her. I really didn’t want her to go back to her husband, but it seemed that he was the only person who could make her happy. I had to step back and let her make her own decisions. After all, it was her life, not mine. This was something I had to remind myself over and over again.

My sister was still concerned that the healing process was not going to be an easy path. Her husband agreed to attend marriage counseling and they were told that recovering their life from the aftermath of the affair was possible but would require hard work on their part and definitely a strong dose of dedication. My sister and her husband made the decision to do what was needed to get their marriage on track again.

I guess I don’t need to tell you that my sister and her husband remain happily married to this day. I must admit that she has more forgiveness in her heart than I thought possible. This bump in their marriage happened five years ago and they have worked hard to regain the trust that was lost. They make sure that they have time set aside every week to be together. Every year they hit a new and exciting destination for vacation. Every day, they make sure they talk to each other before they go to sleep.

The cost of divorce is high, both financially and emotionally. It is especially costly to children when they are involved. Besides the heartbreak their self esteem will most certainly take a hit. So it makes sense to pay attention to how your marriage is going and doing what you feel needs to be done to keep it on track. I have learned, and perhaps you should as well, the value of setting aside time to be with your spouse. Whether it’s a night on the town or walking a couple of blocks to get a hot dog, these times can be special. Finally, let’s not forget that when we get married we are taking sacred vows and these vows are for a lifetime. In good times or bad you want to make your marriage work and not let the thought separating ever take root.

Tags: Self Help

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