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You have just found out that your spouse has had an affair. The pain, the sorrow, and maybe the anger consume you. It is all over you may think. This marriage, that you have worked years on, is at an end. The person you loved and trusted no longer feels the same for you. Why not stop, and think about it?

Though some might be inclined to run directly to a divorce attorney, there are reasons to stay married, even after an affair. Being human, it is very probable that even we have lusted after someone who is not our spouse at one time or another. We may have fantasized about a tryst, wondering what being intimate with someone else might be like. Unintentionally, you have perhaps flirted with of the people you’ve fantasized about. While it’s true that we are all human and make mistakes at times, it is from those very mistakes that we can learn the most.

When we learn from our mistakes, then our mistakes are not necessarily a bad thing. Even when the mistake has been an extramarital affair. Mistakes cause us to learn, to reach for something better, to step outside of our usual selves and grow. Growing through an affair together with our partner is possible. It may even make the marriage more durable, the partners more united.

Provided the one who strayed is actually sorry for their actions, the marriage can be build up from here. It doesn’t matter who cheated on whom. It matters that both parties care enough to work on getting past this issue, and that there is a desire to remain together, and a willingness on both of their parts to face the difficult moments that will come as they forge ahead together. The marriage can not only survive, but thrive as well.

Caught up in the moment of the affair, you might be asking yourself why stopping the infidelity is a good idea. Ask yourself about any guilty feelings you might have had when the affair began, and look deeper, to see why you had this guilt. You probably had no intention of hurting your spouse, nor did you wish for your marriage to end. Was the guilt because you do in fact love your spouse? After all, you both have invested a lot of time and self in the building of this marriage. Yes, you do love your spouse after all.

Granted, marriage is not forever filled with newness and excitement. Over time, no one knows you better than your spouse. Right now you are enjoying the intrigue and the danger of having this affair. But what happens later? As occurred in your marriage, with time, the sensation of newness and mystery fades into something more familiar. And when the feelings in the affair fade, as they will surely do, the thrill of it all will be ended as well. It is then that your spouse will be someone you want in your corner, the person who love. Act now, not when it is too late.

Why stop your infidelity? You still love your spouse! They know more about you, both your good things and your bad and they are still with you. They love you. So stop bringing this ugly hurtful thing between you both.

If you both have the strength and endurance to get past the affair, then you will survive. Your love for each other will grow deeper. You married each other for a reason and that is why you will stay married.

Tags: Self Help

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